When Hellsing Freezes Over!
by AmberFox and Lyell
Summary: God has decided to be really twisted in this one. Rated for sexual inuendo's and some pevertedness in further chapters. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1 And So It Begins

**When Hellsing Freezes Over by AmberFox**

(Yay! My first Hellsing fic! I don't own anyone, so don't sue me. If you did you would only get 30p from me. Anyway... This story is rated for sexual inuendo's and some pevertedness in further chapters. Hope you'll enjoy!)

**Chapter 1 And So It Begins…**

'No Alucard.' Integra said. Every night for the past week he had asked the same question. And every night she gave the same answer. She was beginning to get frustrated. If he asks one more time…

'I will have to ask you again tomorrow night…' Alucard said with a grin. (A/NPersistent, isn't he?) He liked to pester his master and knew she was beginning to waver to his demands. All he had to do was ask her again and again until that stubborn Hellsing pride of hers submitted.

Integra had enough of this! She stood up quickly and stormed towards the now deliriously happy vampire. He loved it when she lost her temper. She looked strangely beautiful when she was mad. She stopped half a foot away from him, only to prod him in the chest with her finger.

'Alucard!' said the now seething woman. 'There is no way in Hell I am going to do it! You can forget it!'

'I know you have had dreams about it. About us, doing It together. Give in, my master. You will feel a pleasure worth a thousand lifetimes.' Alucard said suggestively, making his grin wider.

Integra turned away, trying to hide her blush from him. She had dreamed about it (and other things…), but wasn't going to admit that. 'When pigs fly!' she said, crossing her arms and sticking out her chin stubbornly.

Suddenly the arguing couple heard a frightened squeal as a large pink object flew across the window.

They both looked out the windowsill in amazement as another pig flew by.

Followed by a deafening silence.

'Ok, that doesn't count.' Integra said as she watched another pig defied gravity.

'That was a pig, master,' Alucard said closing the gap between them. 'And if I'm not mistaken it was flying.' He smiled at her evilly.

'That doesn't matter; I still refuse to give into temptation.'

'I will have you, Integra. One way or another.'

'When Hell freezes over!' She yelled as she backed away from her servant.

All of a sudden the floor beneath them split in two as enormous flames shot up with a woosh. Alucard protected his master from the hellfire as it begun to rain fire and brimstone upon them. Just as quickly as the fire appeared a blizzard blew in, turning the inferno into a winter wonderland.

It took them a while to recover from this.

'Where the Hell did those flames come from!' Integra said as she examined one of the frozen columns of fire.

'From Hell I believe.' A stunned No Life King said behind her. Picking up an iced up sulphur ball he tossed it experimentally from one hand to the other. 'I believe Hell has gotten…' He thought for a moment. 'Colder since I last visited it.'

'That doesn't matter. I still won't do It!' She said, gathering up her composure. 'No matter how long you request I still won't do It! And even if I do It, It won't be with you!'

'Master…' Alucard warned but was cut off by the raving Ice Maiden.

'No! You can ask 'till the cows come home, I won't…'

'Mooooo!'

To everyone's surprise a small herd of cattle made its way through the courtyard as bewildered Hellsing troops ran from the possible stampede.

Integra and Alucard looked out the office window to see Seras usher the small herd past the window.

'Miss. Victoria! What is going on?' Walter said as he met the vampire shepherdess.

'Walter I found these cows on the Hellsing grounds. They have no brand on them, so they must belong to us.' Seras said as she steered a small calf with the others.

'The cows have come home.' Alucard said with a raised eyebrow as he witnessed some of the troops pet the livestock. 'Whatever you say is beginning to come true, Miss. Hellsing.'

'I don't believe this! This can't possibly be happening.' Integra said. She plonked down onto her chair and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. It didn't work; she could still see the animals in the courtyard.

'God seems to be agreeing with me.' Alucard said as he sat down on her desk. 'That's a first.'

'God has nothing to do with this.' She said as she swerved her chair and rested her arms on her desk. 'If God truly wanted us to do It…' she began sarcastically.

'Don't say it…'

'…then I will win the lottery.' Integra finished. A second later they heard a happy shout from the courtyard. It seemed that Seras had, indeed, won the lottery. But since she was dead she could not claim the prize and gave it to Walter to give to Integra.

'God…' Integera said resting her head on her arms with a sigh.

'Where do you expect the hellfire came from?' Her servant said as he gestured to the still frozen pillars of fire. 'It's not every day a crack in the ground reaching from Hell comes up and freezes over. Even in our line of work.'

'If that is true…' She said slowly. She stopped her sentence short as a bolt of insperation coursed through her. She then suddenly lifted her head to face her servant, an unnerving smile on her face.

(What has Integra turned Alucard into? Why is the Almighty setting proverbs to life? And what sick and twisted game will I play next! Find out in the next instalment, Soon! And remember, Tell me what you think of my fics, or I won't know how to improve them for your enjoyment.)


	2. Chapter 2 The Snow Queen Cometh

**Chapter 2 The Snow Queen Cometh **

'Master?!' He said stepping back in fear of what she/God will do next. Without so much as a word he suddenly felt the change in him. With a yell of surprise he vanished with a poof of pink glittery smoke.

As the smoke cleared Integra looked to the floor to see if her wish really came true.

It had.

Sitting where Alucard once was sat a small black puppy with a red floppy bow around his neck, much like his tie. It had the cutest floppy ears and big wine-red eyes reminding Integra of a Black Labrador. The miniature version of a Hellhound gave a small wine and cocked its head as if to say "The Hell...?" (Which he was.)

'Who's a cute puppy, then?' Integra said in a baby voice. 'You are! Yes!' She smiled to herself as Alucard gave a puppy growl. 'Come 'ere. Come on.' She encouraged the pup, patting her knees. To her surprise Alucard obeyed, slipping on some ice every now and then, making him look even more endearing then ever.

When the pup jumped on her lap she began playing with him. Grabbing a letter from the Vatican she rolled it up and began playing tug-o-war resulting in Alucard ripping the letter to pieces with a bark.

Alucard really didn't like being a puppy. He couldn't kill anyone and felt dwarfed by everything. Trying to take out his frustrations on the letter had helped, but it wasn't enough for him. He felt like he needed a long drink and without a second thought attacked his master's hand as she tried to pet him.

Thinking it was fun Integra gave him her hand to chew on and began to attack back, resulting in Alucard on his back on her lap trying to gnaw her hand with his blunt milk-teeth with a small growl.

This made him look cuter then ever!

Integra couldn't help but laugh at this. 'Awwww. I didn't know you could be so adorable, Alucard.' She told her puppy/servant.

In hearing this, the pup immediately stopped playing and tried to stand up with a small whine. He wasn't use to this cumbersome form yet and nearly fell off her lap.

Leaning back on her chair she stoked her demonic puppy with a smug smile. It had been an interesting night. Flying pigs, Hells change in weather, cows and puppies. What can happen next…?

There was a small knock on the door. 'Sir,' Walter said from behind the door. 'The Vatican's section 13 wishes to see you regarding last weeks "confrontation" between our troops and Vatican priests.'

For the first time **_ever_** Integra smiled in hearing the Iscariot organisation was in the same building as her.

'Send them in Walter.' She said trying to keep her voice levelled.

When Maxwell and Father Anderson entered the room it took all her might to stop herself from laughing at their astonished faces as they saw the snow-covered office that lay before them. Oh, and the pillars of ice that came from the ground, making her office look like it befitted the Ice Maiden. Or, should I say _The Snow Queen._ (Hans Christian Andersen.)

'Well?' She asked coldly as they made their way past the ice and sat on frozen chairs.

'What happened to your office Miss. Hellsing?' Maxwell asked sarcastically, trying to hide the awe in his voice which Integra immediately picked up.

Petting the now angry Alucard she smiled pleasantly (To annoy Maxwell) and said in a mild tone, 'Nothing much. Hell just opened in my office and then froze over. It happens occasionally.'

'Ah don't believe it.' Anderson said as he picked up a sulphur ball and smashed in with one hand. Brimstone and ice fell from his hand.

'Proof.' She said as he threw away the remains of the ball. 'Now let's get to business, shall we? Some of your clerics were found in a Hellsing training ground. Supposedly spying for the Vatican.'

'They were not spying. They were called to a village nearby and got lost…'

'With recording equipment and plain cloths? And I suppose they got lost in the ventilation system?'

By now Alucard was trying to wriggle out of her hold and onto the desk, ready to rip them both to shreds with his milk-teeth. He couldn't stand being helpless any more, and wanted to take his annoyance out on them. All he got were quizzical faces as a puppy jumped onto the table with a cute growl.

'And who is this?' Anderson said as he tried to pet the irritated puppy/vampire causing Alucard to try to worry the Pandalin hand off, resulting in him looking even cuter.

'Izzy wazzy, den. Howsa boy!' Maxwell said who was smitten by such a cute thing, as Alucard gave up on Anderson and attempted to rip out the leaders throat.

'Isn't he adorable?' Integra said as she held back a laugh. 'His name is Ulrich. Or Snokums for short.' She picked up Alucard and put him on her lap. 'I think he likes you Maxwell, don't you Snokums?' she stroked the now calm pup, who looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

'Let us continue with affairs shall we? If I so much as smell the Vatican around my organisation again I will be complaining to the Queen.' Integra said shortly. 'And I expect that I shall not have a report that Section 13 infiltrated any of my facilities again.' She told them. Alucard yapped an agreement.

'And what if you did?' Maxwell asked menacingly, now over Alucard's unwanted charm.

She had been waiting for him to say that. 'Then it will be the day that you'll lose any respect you have in the Vatican.' She said with a pleasantly evil smile.

When they had left her office she immediately smirked down on the No Life King in her arms. 'Enjoy being cute and helpless Alucard?'

He replied with a small whine.


	3. Chapter 3 Of Midsummer Night Dreams

(Yayyyy! Another chapter done by me, AmberFox! Sorry I haven't comented on the last chapter. It's was a bugger loading it, I forgot to say/write anything. WARNING!: Fluff on the way, by the bucket load! Not one of my fluffiest, but still worth going "Awwwww!!!" over. I think... Iv'e seen it so many times, It's lost it's cutesyness to me. Oh well! On with the show!)

**Chapter 3 Of Midsummer Night Dreams**

With a feral grin Integra looked into her mirror with satisfaction. Instead of a dark green suit she wore a long and elegant sapphire blue dress. Since her 18th birthday she had wanted to wear it, but her fear of Alucard looking up it or making snide comments stopped her from doing so. Now with Alucard locked in her bathroom still in puppy form she could try any dress she wished without being seen by the perverted vampire. This was her 4th dress she tried on tonight, and nothing was going to stop her from putting on a 5th.

Alucard, the No Life Pup wasn't enjoying himself. Integra had made a bed for him out of some towels and her bathtub, but that didn't comfort him at all. In his distress he had chewed up the bathroom rug and was now scratching at the door.

That's when he remembered.

He was the No Life King! The Prince of the Undead! King of Vampires! He may be a smaller version of his Hellhound form, but he would still have his dark powers! Well, that was a relief.

He concentrated his cute puppy eyes on the door. If he couldn't open the door, then he would go _through_ it. With great relief and satisfaction he jumped through the bathroom door and slunk into the shadows.

Integra had finally decided to stop trying on dresses and go to bed. She also decided to sleep in her mother's nightdress tonight. It was a long white low cut gown, with long sleeves, making it look almost medieval. When she walked in it she realised it flowed behind her, making her look like she was floating. She gave a twirl in front of the mirror feeling, for the first time since she was little, like a princess. And that's when Alucard saw her.

His little puppy jaw dropped.

She had never looked so beautiful he thought as he slipped under her bed. When she walked… no _glided_ he thought, to her bed he rolled over in ecstasy. If this was the price to pay for being a pup, then he was willing to stay this way. He waited for her to fall asleep before making his move.

When she was, Alucard came out of his hiding place and began to climb to the top of the bed. Then he remembered that he could fly, which made it easier. When he landed on the bed he slowly crept to the top of the bed and sat on her spare pillow beside her and concentrated. He nuzzled close to her and when she turned over, facing him, was when the next stage of his plan took place.

His change was swift, his paws became hands and his dull teeth became fangs. When he fully transformed back into his human body he was so close to Integra she now rested her head on his chest. Muttering something in her sleep she moved her hand under his shirt and rested it on his abs. Alucard, for the first time in his afterlife, blushed.

_Wavvie Wavvie Dream Sequence_

_Still sleeping soundly Integra rubbed her hand over the muscular chest with a happy sigh. She dreamed that she was on a lounge chair by the pool in one of those sunny resorts. With a Martini in one hand she looked over her shades at her surroundings. This was defiantly one of those resorts that were for people who wanted to relax, a place she wasn't allowed to go due to duty to her Queen and country. _

_'Enjoying yourself, Integra?'_

_She looked around her and spotted a figure on the chair beside her. A girl easily in her teens was looking at her over a Harry Potter book. The only thing strange about this girl was the fact that she had black fox ears on top of her long wavy red hair and a fox tail swishing beside her. Integra noticed that her shins and feet were black and she wore a multi-coloured sarong and a sea-green one-piece bathing suit._

_'Oh yes. I've hadn't this much fun in years.' She said before taking a long sip at her drink. You meet funny people all the time in dreams; it's no excuse not to talk to one of them._

_The girl put her book on the table beside her, between her and Integra, and picked up her drink, a coke. 'I suppose you don't take breaks often, being a boss and all.' she smiled and pointed to Integra's drink. 'I do hope your waiter comes soon. It seems that you're almost out of drink.'_

_Before she could reply the fox girl waved to one of the faceless crowd. A midnight-black haired girl in a pink one-piece waved back before pushing a yellow swimming ring to a small red-head fox-boy who climbed onto it and waved to the other members of his group beside them. A young woman on a lounge chair in a red and white bikini waved back and then slapped the guy beside her in the face after he touched her breast. The guy that was slapped wore a glove on his right arm and deep-purple swim-trunks started talking to a guy with white dog ears and long-hair in red trunks beside him. _

_'You don't know them,' the fox girl assured her. 'yet.' she than looked around and said smugly, 'Ah, here he is now, your waiter with your drink.'_

_Integra looked to where the fox girl was looking and nearly fell of her chair. Alucard, the No Life King, was holding a tray with her drink. That did not surprise her. What did surprise her was that he wore nothing on him but blood-red swim shorts and a black bow tie, showing her his muscular chest and arms. He set her new drink down and waited beside her in case she wanted anything else. She just stared at him. _

_'He won't bite, you know.' Fox Girl said._

_'I know that.'_

_'No I mean he's just a figment of your imagination. You can do anything you want to him and he won't react to it. Look.' The girl crossed her arms and nodded. There was a small poof resulting in Alucard in pig-tails. Another poof later he was in a pink toga. Alucard didn't even blink. 'You try.' she told her. 'It's my gift to you.' _

_'OK.' Integra thought about the possibilities. 'What shall I do first...?' _

_A waitress stopped and gave another coke to Fox Girl. She wore a deep-green bathing suit with a sarong full of earth tones. Her hair was long, straight and deep red with silver highlights, to match her wolf ears and tail._

_'I know!' She said. 'Feel his abs!' _

_There was a mortified silence. _

_'Go on, touch them. He's not going to do anything. Who'll stop you?'_

_'She's right.' Fox Girl told the stunned woman. 'You know you can do it.' She gave perverted smile. 'You could do other things, too.'_

_The wolf saw the fox's smile and slapped her upside the head. 'She doesn't need that sort of persuading, AmberFox.'_

_'Sorry, Lyell.'_

_Integra laugh at all this. My, what a funny dream. She looked at Alucard, who was still in a toga. With a smile she beckoned him forward. He obeyed without any objections._

_'Let's take off that toga, shall we?' She said to herself._

'_Wahey!' _

_**Thud**._

'_Ow!'_

_When she took off the toga, leaving Alucard in just his swim trunks again, (his pig-tails disappeared) she moved over for him to sit beside her. He obeyed wordlessly. Resting her head on his chest she gave a happy sigh as she rubbed her hand over his chest. She was too much into her bliss to notice the conversation beside her. _

_'My word this is a good dream. I've never had a more relaxing dream in ages.'_

_'Thank you Walter. I designed it all myself.'_

_Yeah, and your fic's aren't all bad either, fox.'_

_**Thwack**_

_'Ow!'_

_'Sorry. I have no idea where that trout came from, I swear!'_

_'Riiiiiggght.'_

_'It's a shame I get up so early in the morning. I will have to have a good, sharp, shock to get me up after this.'_

_'You'll have a good, sharp, shock when you wake up Integra tomorrow, boyo.' Lyell told him smugly. _

_'Pardon?'_

_**Thunk**_

_'Ow!'_

_'Where did that 2x4 come from, wolf?'_

_'You know bloody well were it came from you...!'_

_'Now, now. PG13 please. If I wanted it to be any higher I would have done so earlier.'_

_'When?'_

_'Like when I gave Integra power to turn Alucard into a puppy. It could have failed, you know, with embarrassing consequences... Or when he remembered. She could have been in her undies. Or...'_

_'Alright, already! Jeese...' _

_'He has nothing to do with this.'_

_'I say, isn't that young man going to stop touching that young woman? Can't he take a hint!?' Interrupted Walter._

_'I think she's just playing hard-to-get. Why don't you give him some advice to him?'_

_'Yeah, like how to be a proper ladies man and stuff.'_

_'Wahey!' AmberFox said perversely. _

_**Thud.**_

_'Ow!'_

_End of Wavvie Wavvie Dream Sequence_

Integra woke up from her dream slowly. She still felt strangely disappointed that it was only a dream, but at least she was warm and comfortable. She snuggled closer to the muscular chest she was leaning against, comforted by the manly scent of its owner.  
Chest?  
Manly?!

'...?!?' She looked up from the chest out of curiosity. When she saw the sleeping Alucard she should have screamed. She should have waked him up and kicked him out of bed, demanding an explanation for why the hell he was in her bed bare-chested! He was even under the covers with her, for God's sake!

But she didn't.

Remembering her dream she decided to keep quiet. If this was a gift from that fox-girl... AmberFox? Then she should take full advantage of this situation. Staying close to his chest she wondered what he would do when he woke up. Would he wake her up and laugh? Or just disappeared? She never knew what he would do next. That is what she loved about him...  
Wait a minute!? Loved?

Did she really mean that?

Before she could answer herself she felt Alucard stirring. Curiously she snuggled closer and gave a sigh as he woke up.

Alucard was, indeed waking up. It took him a moment to remember where he was, and when he did he gave a small chuckle that sent a shiver down her shine. Feeling her tremble he immediately held her in his tight embrace, absentmindedly stroking her long blond hair. It strangely felt right, holding his sleeping master close to him like a lover...

Lover!?!

Where did THAT come from?

Before he could reply to his own thoughts he heard his master sigh happily. Throwing caution to the wind he kissed the top of her head and smiled. He continued to stroke her hair as she "slept", satisfied with the fact that she hadn't woken up yet, resulting in him being torn away from her sweet-smelling, beautiful...

There was a knock on the door as Walter entered, Integras usual wake-up call.

'Sir!!!' He gasped as he saw them in bed together. He then gave out a strangled sound and collapsed, his hand clutching his heart.

Before Alucard could object Integra flew out of his arms and ran to the unconscious butler, her night-dress billowing behind her. 'Walter!' she cried as she checked his pulse. He was alive. (A/NI would never kill a character! NEVER!!!) 'He's breathing...' Integra said to him as she tried to carry Walter to her bed. Alucard immediately jumped out of bed to aid his master, exposing his burly chest, trim stomach, wide shoulders and pale skin. (A/NHe's still got his trousers on girls, sorry.)

It took about a minute for Integra to tear her gaze away from his body.

'What's the matter master?' He mocked huskily, trying to sound like his old self after their intimate encounter. 'Like what you see?'

'Just help me get Walter to the bed!' She shouted to him as she tried to drag the steward, but to no success.

Alucard plastered a fake grin as he took Walter from her and placed him on the bed, making Integra nearly hyperventilated as he flexed his muscles. She tried to relax in time but was betrayed by her thoughts.

'_Damn him! Damn him and his wicked smirk! His dumb hair, his broad shoulders, his burly chest, his skin…_' And that's when she lost the battle for her composer and started to drool. (A/NIf you saw Alucard without a shirt you'd be drooling too! Unless you were a guy. Well… Some guys, anyway.)

'Um… Master?' Alucard said when he saw her clouded expression. He waved his hand over her face. 'HelloooOOooo?' But it was no use, she was completely out of it. Dreams of a shirtless Alucard in tight leather pants and a rose between his teeth floated through her head, followed by a wet Alucard with only swim trunks on.

Alucard was getting worried about her now. She had been in the daze for 5 minuets, and that odd smile was beginning to temp him to look into her thoughts. But he decided to not risk it. If she saw him in her mind then all hell would break loose…literally! If she still had God on her side, there's no telling what she could do! Like put a collar on him for one… Hmmm…kinky.

(I thought about putting the dream sequence as a seperate story, but then I thought... Nah! That's why this chappy's so long you see. Oh well. It's not like _your _complaining... Untill next time, See yah! J)


	4. Chapter 4 The Taming of The Master

(Hi-ho everyone! It's me, AmberFox! Here with another chapter for "When Hellsing Freezes Over." This is the last chapter of the fic (Awwww!), but there will be planty more fics coming up. So look out in the future, MKay?)

**Chapter 4 Taming Of The Master**

When Integra finally got out of her dream-land it was sunset and Alucard was fully dressed and was about to leave and return to his crypt where there would be a blood-pack waiting for him. Walter was still out of it but otherwise fine.

'Oh good, you're awake.' Alucard said as he step away from the wall. 'I was afraid that I would have to take over the organisation. Until Walter comes to, anyway…' He said with his usual smirk. 'I was beginning to wonder how to wake you up, my master.' He moved towards her in a seductive manner. 'Maybe A kiss…?'

'I am not Sleeping Beauty, Alucard.' She snapped at him. Not only was she upset that her dream ended, but she left her organisation to a bloody vampire as well! Her father would be turning in his grave if he ever found out about this. 'And I most **_defiantly_** do **_not _**need a kiss from a bloody prince.'

The No Life King laughed sinisterly at the non-intentional pun. 'How about a Bloody King, then?'

'I'd rather die.' She said matter-of-factly.

'That can be arranged.' He said with a wolfish grin. 'And besides, who will do It with me while you take your day becoming my undead servant.'

Integra seethed. 'Why can't Seras do It with you.' she complained. 'She's a vampire. She would have better reaction time…'

'I want you Integra.' His voice sounded so gentle her heart skipped a beat. 'You have a mind of a general and a heart of ice, and that's what I admire about you the most.' She felt her anger fade as he said those words. She wished to melt under his soft gaze and obey his sweet words but her pride wouldn't allow it. If she submitted there's no telling what he might want next. More blood? A bigger room? He might even want a holiday! With that in mind she thought up a tactical plan to get what they both wanted.

'Why don't we make things a bit more interesting?' She said to him in an uncharacteristic innocent tone.

'Such as…?' He asked curiously.

She sat down on her bed with a smile on her face. 'A bet?'

'On what, prey?' Alucard said amused. He loved a personal challenge.

'Oh, I don't know,' she said mildly. 'How about on It.'

His smile became more demonic then ever. 'And the terms?'

'If I'm on top at the end of our "escapade" then you will not ask me for another go. Is that understood?'

'Clearly. And if I end up "on top", as you so adequately put it, then my prize shall be for us to do It again.' He smile turned perverted.

**Chapter 5 And So It Ends…**

Seras Victoria walked down to her masters room. She had been waiting for him for a full hour now and there was no sign of Walter or Sir. Integra. She assumed that the Angle of Death was away getting groceries, and that her masters master was in some sort of top secret meeting involving the FREAK chip.

Oh, how wrong she was.

As she approached her masters chamber she began to hear strange noises. As she got closer to his door she could pick up a conversation;

'Alucard you big oaf, your on top of me!'

'That's the idea master. And now for the final slam. I'm going to press you so hard it'll make you scream.'

'I'd like to see you try it!'

There was a strange rhythmic creaking sound as Alucard grunted and Integra groaned.

'You're foolish defence is weak master. Aren't you up to the challenge?'

'Hah, you wish! I'm just going easy on you. It's time to play it hard.'

'Bring it master. You cannot resist the darkness. You will be mine and mine alone to toy with as I please!'

The creaking began to get faster.

'Take this vampire!'

'Ahhhhhhhh!'

'_Oh, yes!_'

'Ahhhhhh!' Seras screamed as she burst through her masters door. Nothing prepared her for what she saw.

'Miss. Victoria! This isn't what it looks like!' Integra yelled as she moved away from Alucard as quickly as humanly possible. (Or undeadly as a matter-of-fact.)

'Police Girl, I can explain…' Said her stunned master as he rolled off his bed.

'It looks like you were playing _Smackdown 5 _on my PS2 on masters bed.' Said a confused Seras.

Indeed, they were doing just that. (A/NGet your minds out of the gutter and away from Naughty Naughty Land.) The Rock (Integra) was having an epic battle against The Undertaker (Alucard), which was so intense that both players were bouncing on the bed as they played. Integra had trapped Alucard in the ropes of the ring and was hitting him on the head with a chair. Alucard tried to defend himself by pleading to the referee but, unfortunately, the ref was unconscious at that point in time.

After Seras left the two competitor alone, red faced with embarrassment, the match was cancelled because her interruption spoiled it for the both of them. (And Alucard didn't want to fight a losing battle.) They went to check on Walter instead, who was still unconscious. Apparently the shock of them together in bed was more upsetting to the butler then they have guessed. Integra wouldn't be surprised if he woke up and still be knocked for six. Alucard, on the other hand, knew that when he woke up he would only be slightly stunned. Both of them have witnessed stuff far more disturbing then this together and the only effects that the steward would have when he finally came to was that he would play "Slice The Vampire" with him. And win.

Seeing to Walter, Integra went to her office to complete some paperwork. When she got there she remembered that Alucard had done all of it for her. Giving a small smile and a silent thank you she sat down on her desk and began to relax.

That was when she saw it.

A small, yet dangerous letter from her informants.

Reading it silently, Integras mood quickly turned to anger. She got so mad that she stood up from her chair and slammed her fist in the solid oak desk in front of her. Sensing an all to familiar presence in the room she sat down and sighed.

'Alucard. Read this.' She said as she gave him the letter.

After reading a few lines he said, 'It appears that the Vatican has not heeded your words, my master. They have been found in one of our testing sites…'

'And I can do nothing about it!' She said through clenched teeth. 'The power is probably gone now that we have played that game.'

The No Life King thought for a moment. 'Oh, I don't know master. I've got a feeling that when you thought up that punishment for Maxwell it might be triggered by an event like this.'

'I hope so.' She gave a crocked smile. 'Just the thought of them being punished at this very moment…' she gave an evil chuckle.

_**In Rome**_

Maxwell walked through the Vatican gardens with a smug smile on his face. The Hellsing organisation couldn't do anything but complain to their Queen about Section 13's behaviour while he was behind the holy city's great walls. He could just imagine the look on that sow's face when she hears about it. He laughed at the thought.

Suddenly he felt a great wave of power move across the city. Looking around bewildered he immediately ran to the head office of the Pope. His holiness might ask him for an explanation or ask him to investigate. He began to remember Integras warning to him about upsetting her;

'…_it will be the day that you'll lose any respect you have in the Vatican._'

What did that mean exactly? Could she use her pet vampires power to cause chaos in a holy land such as this?

Before he could turn a corner he heard singing as he passed some offices.

'_On top of spaghetti,_

_All covered in cheese._

_I lost my poor meatball…_'

'Good God Almighty!' He said to himself as the office workers sang. He raced up the stairs two at a time as he passed a trio of bishops playing conkers. In the middle of summer! (A/NWhere they got them from only God knows… And I do, but I'm not telling!) As he reached the top floor he could hear some Cardinals singing and dancing to "Knights of the Round Table" by Monty Python. Waiting for him was Father Anderson, playing with a small leaf.

'Anderson!' said a relived Maxwell. 'I thought I would be the only sane one left!' But before he could say more, pink smoke with sparkles appeared around the Paladin. When the smog dissipated Maxwell let out a small gasp as he looked upon his companion.

Anderson gazed around him, to see what his boss was so shocked about. He no longer wore his grey coat or his cross, instead he wore a long green waistcoats, a white under-shirt and bowler hat with a shamrock in it as well as earth brown slacks and black buckled shoes. When he realised that he was the one his superior was staring at and that his outfit had changed dramatically his words caught in his throat. He ran to the nearest mirror. When he looked himself over he began to feel for his weapons. Instead of swords he found packets of cereal.

Something happened to Anderson when he opened a packet out of curiosity. He reached into it and began throwing the cornflakes around him and started to do a jig.

'Have you taken leave of you senses, man?' Maxwell said as Anderson started dancing around on circles.

'No, sir.' His Scottish accent rolling the r. 'I just felt like dancin'.'

'And throwing cereal around?'

'I can'ny help myself no longer! I must say it!' The Scotsman said as he stopped his jig, the packet of cereal still in his hands.

'Say what?'

'They're after me Lucky Charms, sir.' Said Anderson sheepishly.

Maxwells eyes grew wide as he heard this. He, Enrico Maxwell, in charge of Iscariot Section 13, the most secret and most highly trained unit under God and Rome had their most prized priest, their Ace of Faith, acting and looking like a leprechaun from a cereal add.

'NooooooOOOOoooooo!' He yelled, looking to the ceiling in horror. Things couldn't get any worse.

Or can it?

He felt a tap on the shoulder from a messenger who gave him a letter. A letter from the Pope. It stated that he was to investigate the strange occurrences immediately and if he couldn't find out about the wave of power that hit the city he would have to clean out his desk.

He knew what caused this madness! It was Hellsing. But who would believe him? Not the Pope, that's for sure.

He let out a small sob.

In the end he told the Pope that all this was due to some refrigerated food gone bad.

His holiness bought it and everyone returned to normal after a week or so, unlike Maxwell's reputation after the Pope and all the cardinals witnessed Anderson continuing his jig and blowing kisses at both Sister Heikel and Sister Yumiko, who both blushed as cereal fell around them.

When news spread about the silliness in the Vatican, Integra found herself laughing so hard she had to be carried by Alucard and Walter, who recovered and had his memory erased by Alucard, to her room where she stayed for the rest of the day playing PS2 games with Seras, who lost most of the time.

The End.

(Yes, the end! How tragic... Oh well. I don't own Smackdown, so I don't know if I've added anything wrong to it. But I don't care! Eather laugh at how rediculusly wrong I was or not, I'm not really bothered. Please RR. Bye:))


End file.
